


Three Years

by Katara93



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-07-24 06:30:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7497759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katara93/pseuds/Katara93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux and Kylo are happily married, when they get into a car crash. Hux loses his memories of the last three years, the time he met, fell in love with, and married Kylo. They have to try to rebuild what they lost.<br/>This is an rp kylocanyounot.tumblr.com and I (the-general-hux.tumblr.com) did. Inspired by the idea of guy-manuels-baguette.tumblr.com</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ren tapped his fingers on the edge of the door, watching the numbers rise on the gas pump. They were only 3 hours out from home, driving along the coast just to get out of the house and so Hux would quit working on a weekend. He bit his lip, still enticed by the sight of his husband leaving the little store with some cold drinks. "Hey, where you headed, gorgeous?"

Hux rolled his eyes at Kylo's teasing. "I would be careful if I were you. I have a husband. He's big, and strong. And he's got a bit of a temper." He set the drinks down on the hood, waiting for Kylo to finish filling it up.

"Eh... Sounds like a dick. I think I could handle him." He grabbed the can from the hood and cracked it open as the pump finished and clicked closed. "We can take the scenic way back if you want. But I'm sure the freeway is clear at this time too." He leaned over and spoke the next bit against his neck. "Depends on how quick you want me to get us home." He kissed his jaw then moved back over to hang up the pump.

Hux leaned against the car, grabbing a can as well, opening it and taking a sip. He shivered a little, feeling Kylo's breath ghosting across his skin. "He is a dick," he said with a glare, trying to get himself to calm down. "Let's take the freeway." He grabbed the rest of the drinks from the hood and put them in the back before getting in the passenger side.

He actually laughed at that. "Yes sir! I see we're on a mission." He dropped into the driver's seat and took off, taking the exits up to where they would be home in under 2 hours. He had his hand intertwined with Hux's between them, fingers laced together. "I think you might want to consider getting out like this more. You don't sleep well and you're getting stress lines. You need... to just let go for a day or two."

Hux tried to keep up his glare, but he couldn't hold it and he laughed as well. He sighed. "I know, Kylo. I just... I have so much work. And none of the other idiots who work there could do it right." He glanced at his husband before looking out the window. Even though they weren't going the scenic route, it was still beautiful.

"Well... delegate! Isn't that what you do? I'm supposed to get you to myself on the weekends, not share you with Mitaka or whatever." He actually seemed a little worked up about it, though he hadn't intended to get that way.

Hux looked back over at him, squeezing his hand comfortingly. "I suppose you're right. It would be very nice to have weekends together with no interruptions. I'll try to do better, love. I suppose they won't completely fall apart without me for two days."

"Yes. Please." He knew he was probably being dramatic but Hux made him that way. He glanced over for a moment to watch his lips as he took a sip of his soda, smiling to himself, the wind whipping in the windows and the sun on their skin. The road was open ahead of them except for a car or two. They came up on their last exit, Ren pushing the gas to get around a slow truck with a driver on his phone. He yelled at the man as they passed, before the car jerked violently as the back tire blew.

Hux pulled Kylo's hand up to his lips and pressed them against his hand briefly, before setting it down again. He was about to chastise Kylo for yelling at the truck driver, when the tire blew. He grabbed onto the door handle for support as they swerved. He watched with horror as they got closer and closer to the truck, almost in slow motion. There was the squeal of metal hitting metal, and a shudder of impact went through him as he blacked out.

The whole passenger side was bent in as the car finally came to a halt. They had almost flipped, but had managed to stay upright, bounced between the truck and the barrier wall. Kylo pushed hair out of his eyes and came back with blood, but he didn't feel any pain there... yet anyway. He looked over to see Hux crumpled in his restraints and bleeding. He wanted to untangle him but was equally terrified of moving him in case something was broken. His phone was not in the pocket of his shorts, somehow having slipped out and onto the floorboard. Ren struggled with what seemed to be a dislocated shoulder to retrieve it. But he heard sirens before he could even get to it. His good arm moved over to his husband, fingers against paler than healthy skin. "Nihls, baby come on, you gotta wake up," he pleaded, his voice cracking.

The ambulance and police cars zoomed in to the scene of the crash. The EMTs managed to extract Hux from the wreckage and put him on a stretcher. They had Kylo go with him in the ambulance, rushing them both to the nearest hospital. Once inside, they wheeled Hux into the hospital, where nurses took him to the ICU. Kylo was instructed to wait until someone in the ER could see him.

He of course, did not, trying to make his way to Hux with only one usable arm. Three nurses finally lured him back to a gurney and they got to work on popping his arm back. He was anxious the whole time, off the gurney again the moment he heard the arm pop back into place, barely registering the pain. "Which room!?"

"You really shouldn't go in there," one nurse said. "The doctor is working with him now. Wait until they've run their tests. And your head is bleeding. It doesn't look serious, but we should at least clean the area. You don’t want it to get infected.”

"Is he okay? Is he going to be okay?!" He demanded, panicked and clearly terrified. He covered his mouth with one hand, biting his lip and willing himself not to break down in the middle of the hall.

"We won't know until the doctor has run his tests," the nurse said in a soothing voice. "Now get back on the gurney and let me look at your head."

He scowled but obeyed, though the nurse still had a hard time getting him to be still. They wanted him on painkillers and he refused, though they gave him the bottle regardless. It was another 8 hours before he heard anything. And he had sat staring out his window most of it, meditating in a weird way.

The doctor walked into Kylo’s room. "You're Kylo, right? Your husband has had some brain damage from the crash. Nothing too severe. The rest of it he should heal from within a few days. We're not sure when he'll wake up, though."

He glared as if the doctor had done this themselves. "Not too severe? You just said there's brain damage, that seems pretty damn severe! I need to see him... now." Spoiled brat that he was he wasn't taking a 'no' this time. He needed to be with him; that was his job, protecting his husband and he had already spectacularly failed.

"We won't know the full extent of the damage until he wakes up," the doctor said calmly. "And yes, you can see him now. If he wakes up, press the red button next to his bed so we know." He walked off down the hall, checking the chart.

If he could run down the halls he would have, but he didn't need to be scolded and sent back to his bed. He rounded the corner and stood in the door, Hux silent and still, the beep of the monitor breaking the silence to confirm he was alive. He approached slowly, as if scared he would wake him, and cupped his cheek in one hand. "I'm so sorry, I should have been paying attention. I should have checked the tires; I should have..." He lowered his head to the bed and tears dripped from his eyes, flooding out now that he had seen him, what he felt he had done to him.


	2. Chapter 2

When Hux woke up, everything about him felt heavy and slightly fuzzy. The white sterile ceiling above him was definitely not that of his apartment. His eyes roamed over the room. A hospital. Why was he in a hospital? He tried to force his brain to remember, but it wouldn't. His eyes rested on the tall, lanky, man with shoulder length dark brown hair. And he was crying. Hux frowned, very confused as to why a stranger was crying next to him and as to why he was in a hospital in the first place. "Excuse me," he said, his voice raspy, to the man, who would hopefully be able to get a nurse or doctor in here who knew what was going on.

Ren's head shot up, eyes dark and wide. "Nihls, sweetheart! Fuck, the button..." He pressed the red button as instructed, then leaned in to kiss his head. "You had me so worried..." He smiled down at him reverently.

Hux pushed him away, very confused now. "Stop that! What are you doing? I... I'm not your sweetheart! I don't even know who you are." Was this some sort of joke? Was he being filmed? He looked up as a doctor walked in.

"That's not even close to funny, Hux. You were unconscious. They said there may be brain damage. I was so worried and they wouldn't even let me in to see you." He tried to reach over and take his hand.

Hux looked over to where the doctor was scribbling on his chart, starting to feel anxious. "Brain damage? What happened to me?" He slapped the man's hand away. "I said stop it!"

Kylo stiffened, his brain putting information together and getting more terrified the more he figured out. He stares at his own hand a moment, realizing he wasn't going to be able to touch him. "We were... we were on a drive, on the freeway. We blew a tire and I lost control of the car." He sat back down, leaning toward on his knees. “I thought I had killed you. You've been out most of the day." He didn't mention his arm, deeming it unimportant now.

Hux tried to remember any of this, but he was drawing a blank. It was frightening. 

"How old are you?" the doctor asked. 

Hux thought that was a strange question, but he answered it anyway. "Twenty-seven." 

The doctor nodded. "Kylo, would you mind talking to me in the hallway?"

Kylo frowned at the answer, knowing better. He nodded and followed the doctor out, still keeping an eye on Hux as if he might try to run away. "This is... the damage, yes? He'll get better?"

The doctor nodded. "Yes, it says in our records he is thirty. And it is doubtful he will get better, the damage was permanent. There is a slight chance of recovery, but it is a very slight one. He should be able to be out of here by this evening, but he will need to take it easy for a few days. We'll prescribe him some pain pills as well."

"Wait, wait, permanent? He doesn't even know who I am!? There has to be SOMETHING that can be done!" He fingers clenched, nails digging into his palms.

"Unfortunately, there isn't. I'm very sorry," the doctor said, turning and walking down the hall.

He nearly punched the wall before remembering it wasn't his. He slowly approached Hux again, and sat down in the chair next to the bed once more. "They said you can go home tonight, if you take it easy. I'll have to call a cab or something..." He stared solemnly at his husband who didn't remember him. "You... you don't even know me, do you, Nihls?"

Hux looked up warily when the man walked in again. It would be nice to go back to his apartment; at least have something familiar in the sea of anxiety and confusion. He shook his head. "Your... the doctor said your name was Kylo, right? Are we... are we dating?"

The look he gave Kylo made him feel even worse. Should he tell him the truth? Would it matter? "Yeah. Kylo Ren. And... no, we're not. We're married, actually." He stared at the pattern on the linoleum floor the whole time he said this.

"Oh," Hux breathed, looking down and seeing the ring on his finger. "For how long?" That made it worse, somehow. How could he forget the person he was married to? And that meant he couldn't go back to his apartment either, they probably lived together.

"Just a little more than a year." He seemed to sense the discomfort Hux had about the situation, and of course blamed himself. He was probably throwing too much at him at once; he had just woken. "I have to keep an eye on you for a few days, just to make sure you don't drop dead inexplicably and that your meds work and all that. But... after that, I can... I can always stay with Phasma till... till you feel comfortable again." If ever, he did not add. He felt like they were splitting up, dividing property like his parents had in the divorce.

Hux nodded. "Right. But it's fine if you stay there, I mean, it's your house too. It's unfair of me to kick you out. I could just sleep on the couch or something." He wasn't sure who Phasma was, he assumed she was one of Kylo's friends. "So how much did I forget, exactly?" he asked. His nails were digging into his palm, a habit he had when he was nervous.

"I'll sleep on the couch," he countered. "You're injured, and who knows what else, you at least deserve a proper bed." He ran a hand through his messy hair, which he hadn't bothered to try and untangle since the crash. He probably looked like a beast. "You told the doctor you were 27. It's June, and you're actually 30."

"You don't look much better," Hux replied, but he didn't protest. He tried to wrap his mind around that last piece of information. He was 30? He had lost three years of memories. He was starting to feel overwhelmed, and he didn't like anyone seeing him like that. "Would you mind leaving me alone for a little bit?" he asked, his voice a bit shaky. "It's... it's a lot to process."

Kylo looked... ashamed of himself for some reason, but nodded, and lumbered back out to the hall. He eyed the soda machines but didn't even want the caffeine at the moment. He wanted to take Hux home and curl up under their huge fluffy comforter that Hux insisted on and forget all of this even occurred. He may never get to do that again. His chest felt hollow, empty.

Hux turned onto his side when Kylo left. Three years. It was so much time, so many memories lost. He could feel a tear trickling down and he angrily wiped it away. Crying was for children, and he was not a child. He vaguely wondered if they had been mostly happy memories. If he and Kylo had been happy together. He could tell that Kylo loved him, that much was obvious, and he felt guilty that he didn't reciprocate those feelings.

He wandered the hall until he found the door to the back patio, where patients could come out for some fresh air, and the nurses could go around the corner for a smoke. No one was out at the moment, and he sat on the stone steps that led to a small fish pond. His arm ached, like it had been pulled off and reattached. It almost had. He ran the other arm over it, his ring glinting in the sun. A black band inlaid with a ring of gold and silver. Hux... would probably want to take his off. He imagined the truck again, the sound of his car hitting pavement, Hux's limp body in his seat. He didn't realize how close he was to just coming apart. But there wasn't time for it, not yet. He'd allot himself time to break down later, when his husband was stable.


	3. Chapter 3

Hux had mostly managed to get a hold of himself when the doctor walked in. "You're all good to go. I have some pills for you here, for the pain and to keep down swelling. Where did your husband go?" Hux shrugged. "I'll have one of the nurses go look for him."

He was back inside again, a nurse leading him back to the room as Hux now sat on the edge of the bed. He felt lost, looked it as well. He crossed his arms in front of himself, feeling awkward for bothering a man who didn't even know him anymore. He hadn't felt this awkward around him for years, back when he was just looking for a familiar shock of red hair in his favorite bar.

Hux looked up when Kylo walked back in. "They said I can go now," he said, standing up. His legs felt a little weak and trembly, but he would manage. The hospital had given him a grey sweater and sweatpants since his clothes had been ruined in the crash. He was definitely ready to get out of the hospital, but going to a strange place with a stranger was going to be weird. "Um... are we going to take a cab or something?"

Ren wanted to wrap an arm around his waist to stabilize him, but stopped himself before he was rejected again. "Yeah, I got us one while I was outside, should be here in a few." He gave him a weak smile.

Hux nodded, returning the smile awkwardly. He walked slowly to the door, concentrating on walking so he wouldn't fall.

"You can, uh, hold on to me if you need to. But I get if you don't want to. I'm... I'm not really anyone you know..." He watched the doctors and nurses rush by, to keep from focusing all on Hux.

"I'm fine," Hux said, not wanting to look weak. The nurse had offered him a wheelchair, but he had refused it out of pride. He managed to make it out the front doors of the hospital before he stumbled slightly, grabbing onto Kylo reflexively to keep from falling.

He was clearly worried, and trying not to dote like a concerned housewife. He would have carried him out of the place if Hux had let him. He would have protested, of course, but he would have eventually given in and wrapped his arms around his neck... The car pulled up just as Kylo was in need of a distraction, and he held the door open, at least allowed to do that. He gave the driver the address, and lifted his hand to try and intertwine it with Hux's before flexing his fingers and lowering his hand back to his own knee.

Hux climbed into the cab, followed by Kylo. He tried to memorize the address, sure he would need it at some point. He looked out the window as they drove so he could at least have an idea where they lived. The scenery and houses they passed were pleasant, and they seemed to be headed for some sort of suburb.

They pulled up I front of a two story townhouse in a quiet neighborhood, trees in the front yard. Kylo tipped the cabbie and hurried around to Hux's side of the car.

Hux looked up at the house they had pulled in front of. It seemed nice enough, very... homely. He gave Kylo another awkward smile when he opened the door for him, stepping out carefully so he wouldn't fall. "We don't have any children, do we?" he asked, his nose wrinkling as he walked toward the front door. He hated children. They were disgusting brats.

"Oh god no!" He laughed. "You insisted you weren't anyone's daddy." He remembered the comment he had made after, and decided to leave that part out. "I watch my little cousins sometimes, but just for a few hours." He plucked the spare key from above the door frame and unlocked the door. It opened to a hallway with a staircase, kitchen on one side, living room on the other, office in the back and two more rooms upstairs. "I've never been happier to be home."

"Yes, well, I suppose that's not too bad," Hux said with a sigh of relief. He looked curiously inside. He secretly wished he were going back to his apartment, at least it was familiar. He heard the familiar tingle of a collar and meow. "Millie!" he exclaimed, at least glad to know something. She trotted up to him and rubbed on his leg, and he bent down to pet her, smiling fondly. "It's so good to see you, girl."

"Yeah, your princess." He had playfully been jealous of Millie before, but now there was a painful envy for the reaction he had to his cat. Of course he remembered Millie... "The bedroom is upstairs on the right, office back there, and kitchen is... over here. You're pretty picky about where things end up on the house, so if you're looking for something specific, just ask." He was in fact extremely anal about where things were kept, even though it had started out as Ren's place. He just tried to keep up.

He picked Millie up, still petting her, feeling her purr rumble through his chest. He looked to where Kylo was pointing, nodding when he was done. He smiled a little at that. He was indeed very organized, "I'm going to change out of this," he said, gesturing to the bulky grey sweatpants and sweatshirt. "It's hideous."

"Not your color." He nodded. "All upstairs, my lo-- It's all upstairs." He quickly moved to the kitchen, feeling out of place in his own home.

Hux hesitated a minute before walking upstairs, still clutching Millie to his chest. He found the bedroom after checking a few doors, setting Millie on the bed so he could change. He checked one of the dressers, finding clothes that were too bulky and casual to belong to him, so he checked the other one. He felt a sense of relief that at least his sense of fashion was the same. Since he didn't feel like going out anywhere and he was tired and sore, he put on a pair of black running shorts and a plain blue shirt. He picked Millie up again and walked downstairs.

Kylo was leaning over the sink, head low, a hand on either side of one of the double sinks, like there was a weight on his shoulders. Only a few hours of this was already painful; how much longer would this last? He stood up straight and stared out the window over the sink, not really seeing anything, just spacing. "At least he has Millie." he told himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Hux walked into the kitchen, seeing Kylo standing there. "Hi," he said, to announce his presence. "Look, Kylo, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about this... this whole thing. I'm sure it must be hard for you. But I... I'm willing to try and make it work. Obviously, I must have loved you if I married you. And I think if we give it some time, we can get back to the way it was before. Or at least, close." He had looked at the floor as he spoke, and he looked up nervously when he was done.

"You have no reason to apologize. None of this is your fault. I'm more than able to work around whatever boundaries you need right now. And if... for some reason you find I'm not what you need, we'll... go from there."

Hux nodded, looking for some other topic to talk about. "What do we usually do for dinner? I'm pretty hungry, and it's about time. It is for me, anyway."

"A lot of days I cook. I'm not great, but it's edible. You don't seem to mind it. But we haven't got much in the fridge and my shoulder is killing me, so it's probably a call in night. If... if that's okay?" Nothing seemed to be a given anymore. His shoulder was killing him, mostly because he was stubborn and didn't want any painkillers messing up his motor skills in case Hux needed him.

Hux nodded, filing this new information away. "Yes, that sounds good. What kind of food do you like?" He shot a worried look at Kylo. "The doctor gave me some painkillers. I won't need them all, you should take some."

"You're gonna need them more than me. Don't worry about it. I'm not picky: pizza, Chinese, Indian, whatever. I leave the choice up to you, most nights."

Hux frowned but he didn't protest. "All right." He considered what he felt like eating for a moment. "Chinese sounds good. Is that all right with you?"

"Perfect." He plucked his now cracked phone from his pocket and dialed something off the fridge. The order he gave sounded almost rehearsed, clearly something they had ordered before many times. He clicked the button on the side and ended the call. "45 minutes. I'll get the door when it comes; if that delivery guy with the Focus shows up, he won't stop pestering you," he growled.

Millie wriggled to be put down, so Hux let her jump out of his arms and stood there watching Kylo order. "All right," he said, smiling a little at his protectiveness. It was silly, Hux really didn't need to be protected, but he also thought it was sweet in a way, that he cared that much. He once again felt a twinge of guilt. "While we wait, you should take a shower. No offense, or anything, but you look awful."

"That bad?" He sighed. "Fuck it's been a long day." He left Hux and clomped upstairs, passing through a hall filled with frames posters of shows, family photos, a drawing of Millie one of the cousins must have done. In the middle was a more formal photo. They were both dressed to the nines, and Ren was looking at Hux with the most adoring look he had ever seen someone give another person. Kylo let the water heat up, and with the good arm, pulled his shirt up over his head. The shoulder was severely bruised, purple and yellow spots now, and still looked swollen. He poked at it and winced.

Hux nodded sympathetically. "I agree." He wandered to the living room. There was a couch, nice but a little worn and two chairs. From the look of it, Millie had claimed one, and he smiled at that. He was starting to feel the ache of his wounds, so he walked back into the kitchen to get his pain pills, before realizing they were still in the pocket of the hospital sweater he had left in their bedroom. He walked upstairs, going slower this time and looking at the pictures, and feeling another twinge of guilt when he saw the one of them together. He walked into the bedroom and grabbed the sweater from the laundry bin before digging through the pockets, finding the pills and standing up.

The shower felt amazing, and the hot water made his arms ache a little less. After about 15 minutes he stepped out and cleared the steam off the mirror, turning to see the bruising along his back as well. He looked like he lost a bar fight with a wall. He dug through the stack of towels to find one he deemed fluffy enough. Hux hated when he messed up the pile. He chuckled, which nearly turned into a sob once the situation caught back up with him. He threw the towel on his head and stepped out of the bathroom, rubbing at his hair and making his way around the bedroom by memory, drying his long hair as he went.

Hux let out a little squeak as Kylo walked out of the bathroom completely naked. Besides the bruising that covered him, he had an amazing body. His eyes lingered too long before he put his hands over his eyes and spun around. "Sorry!" he said, a blush spreading onto his face and his voice still too high-pitched. "I forgot my pain pills up here," he said, holding the bottle out for evidence. Keeping one hand over his eyes, he tried to feel for the door, cursing as his knee hit something sharp.

Kylo pulled the towel away enough to see what made the noise to find a blushing, sputtering Hux. "Nihls, it's fine! Not like you haven't... uh... let me get some clothes." He grabbed what looked like black track pants out of the dresser and a pair of boxer briefs, then quickly dried off enough to slip them on. His hair was still damp and messy. "I'm decent now, no worries."

Rationally, Hux knew Kylo was right. He was sure he had seen him naked before, but that didn't stop him from feeling embarrassed about it, like it wasn't something he was supposed to see. Hux paused in his trying to find the door. taking his hand from covering his eyes. "I'm... uh... I'm going to take these," he said. "In the kitchen. Downstairs." He nodded to himself and then walked out of the bedroom.

Ren watched him go, mouth half open and utterly confused. He couldn't remember if Hux had been like this in the beginning of their relationship. He didn't think so, but even three years seemed like forever ago. Three years. Hux was missing three years of the two of them together, the beginning of their lives together. He didn't know Ren, had no idea why they had even wed in the first place, didn't remember the reason they even got together to begin with. And he was forced to live with said strange person who just told him it was all true and then waltzed around naked. Hux probably felt like he'd been kidnapped from his home and forced to live as someone's husband. Maybe he should just leave. Let him have the house to himself and Millie and hope for the best. Hope this wasn't permanent. Kylo honestly didn't know how he'd gotten so lucky, how he had earned the privilege of being loved by someone so patient and passionate and ambitious as Nihilist Hux, but he'd always worried it was a fluke of some sort. That one day he'd wake up and find it just a good dream and still be alone. Apparently he was right.


	5. Chapter 5

Hux walked downstairs, shaking his head at himself. He was sure he was making a fool of himself, but this situation was so strange. He just needed to relax. This was his home, even if it didn't feel like it. At least Millie was here. He heard the doorbell ring, and glanced upstairs before just getting it himself. Kylo was still upstairs and he didn't know if he had his shirt on yet. Besides, he was sure he could sign for it. The man at the door was very hot, and he made a show of checking Hux out. Hux winked at him and leaned against the door, before realizing he was married. He took the receipt and signed it quickly while the other man smirked at him. He grabbed the food and shut the door in his face, bringing the food into the kitchen.

Heavy footfalls came down the stairs. He glanced at the door before seeing Hux with all the takeout in the kitchen. "I... could have gotten that. It wasn't Micah, was it? Sly fucker..." His hands clenched into fists for a moment.

Hux glanced up as Kylo walked down the stairs. "It's all right, I was here. And if Micah was the one who checks me out, then yes it was him." He started to unload the food, not looking at Kylo, feeling guilty for his flirting. "Would you mind if I asked you some things while we eat?" he asked, looking in the different drawers to find the silverware.

"Not at all. Ask me anything you want." Kylo instantly grabbed a tray of chicken and vegetables and a carton of fried rice, but waited to see where Hux intended to sit before doing so himself.

Hux found the silverware, grabbing two forks and spoons and handing one of each to Kylo. He grabbed some orange chicken and vegetables and followed Kylo, sitting at the dining table.

Not even bothering with a plate, he sat across the table from Hux and propped his long legs up on the seat of another. He suddenly realized he was starving, and was already several mouthfuls in before Hux spoke again.

Hux winced at Kylo's feet on the chair, taking a bite of his food. It was actually pretty good, and he took a few bites before he spoke. "So, you said we got married about a year ago. How long were we dating before then?"

"About a year and... 7 months. We spent 3 months loathing each other until we realized we didn't."

Hux smiled at that. He could definitely see him and Kylo not getting along, they seemed so different. He took another bite of his chicken. "What kind of music do you listen to?"

"Literally everything you hate." He snorted before realizing it wasn't as funny as he imagined. "It's a long list... we've laughed about it before. You also called blasphemy on some cover mix I had."

Hux frowned, wondering how he could have gone from hate, which seemed obvious, to dating him. Maybe the old saying that opposites attract was true? "Tell me about your family."

At this, his face gave a small, pained look, that was gone almost instantly. "We're not really close. They live in the Midwest." He shoved another few mouthfuls in.

"Oh," Hux said. He could sympathize with that; he wasn't close with his family either. He was silent as he ate some more of his chicken. "But you said we babysit your cousin sometimes?"

"Distant cousin. I'm not sure how we're actually related, something on my mom's side. I call her mom, Rey, a cousin too. She would be closer to family than my actual parents, I guess."

Hux nodded. He supposed Kylo and he didn't hate this Rey if they babysat for her. "So what do we usually do after dinner?" he asked.

He chuckled. "Whatever we want. Sometimes we cuddle up on the couch and get tipsy and watch shitty movies. Or good movies. Sometimes we go out and just walk. There's a little park just up the block and you always go sit under the willow trees and call me under."

Hux felt a wave of sadness and envy roll through him. From what Kylo said about their life together, it sounded amazing. And he couldn't remember it. He finished the rest of his meal in silence, trying to force himself not to break down. "Were we happy?" he asked, his voice a little cracked.

It was a painful question. He always hoped they were, and Hux always said he was when Kylo asked him. But did that mean it was true. Kylo struggled with his emotions. He knew he didn't always feel things properly, or too much. But he always felt more stable with Hux. He grounded him, his bright lighthouse in a constant storm. "I think so. But, I'm not a good compass for that."

Hux nodded, standing up. "I'm going to bed." He wasn't really that tired, but he felt emotionally drained. "And I'm going to insist that we both share the bed. We're both injured, and you won't take your pain pills. It would be painful and uncomfortable for you to sleep on the couch with all those bruises." He folded his arms stubbornly, leaving no room for argument.

"Nihls, I'm fine. Really. You don't have to share if you don't want to... god, you have that face. Okay, okay..." He just wanted Hux to feel comfortable.

Hux wasn't really sure if he would be able to sleep with a stranger next to him, but he would try. It would help to think of him as his husband, rather than a stranger. But he had met a few strangers at a bar and taken them home for a one-night stand, so this wouldn't be totally new. Except that usually then he was exhausted from sex.

Ren couldn't claim not to be exhausted. He could take half a dose of pills before bed, and that would take the edge off without seriously impairing him. Allow him to easily wake up if needed. He hoped. He grabbed his waistband to pull of his pants before thinking better of it. "Uh, should I keep these on?"

Hux followed Kylo up to their bedroom. He glanced at him. "Uh, I would prefer it if you did," he said, hoping he wouldn't offend him too much. Kylo had an amazing body, and Hux didn't mind seeing it at all, but it was too strange still.

He nodded, and looked around the room awkwardly for a moment. God, this was all so messed up. He pulled the blankets back and laid down on his side, trying to keep close to the edge as well as keep from trying to curl around Hux. It felt so wrong.

Hux crawled into bed next to bed, lying on his side on his edge as well. "Goodnight, Kylo," he said, pulling the covers over himself. The bed was nice, and didn't hurt his injuries too bad to lay on it. He managed to get to sleep relatively quickly, but he had a nightmare where he was in a car that was going out of control toward the edge of a cliff. When it went over the edge, he screamed.

"Nihls! Hey, wake up!" Ren was shaking him, bent over him in the dark. "You were restless and you started yelling. What's wrong, my love?" He winced, forgetting again.

Hux looked around, not sure where he was, feeling his heartbeat still racing. He remembered all at once, pushing his hair off his sweaty forehead. "I... I had a nightmare. Would you mind if I put my head on your chest? My mother used to let me do that when I was little and had a nightmare." Listening to her heartbeat and steady breathing had calmed him down so he could sleep again.

"Is it ok if... if I hold you? Or is that too much?" Now that he was so close, his body craved more. He was actually the more physically affectionate of the duo, but toned it down for Hux if they were out.

Hux hesitated for a moment. "Yes, that's all right." He thought he wouldn't mind being held, it would make him feel more secure and hopefully keep the nightmares away.

Kylo gingerly wrapped his arms around the red head, across his back and shoulders. This made the tension he was holding on to ebb a bit. He rested his chin on Hux's head, exhaling his stress.

Hux tensed a bit at the contact, but then he relaxed into it. He had to admit this felt very... nice. And right, in a weird way. It didn't take him long to fall asleep, and his sleep was peaceful this time.


	6. Chapter 6

Ren was in the same position when Hux awoke, looking serene. He was still wrapped protectively around him, guarding him against his nightmares as if it worked that way.

Hux was a little confused when he woke again, but he remembered where he was faster this time. Kylo was still sleeping and Hux didn't want to disturb him, so he just laid there.

Kylo flexed his fingers in his sleep, pulling Hux slightly closer, as if sensing Hux might leave his side somehow. He had slept without dreams, just feeling warm and safe next to his husband. He finally stirred a half hour after, waking slowly, and stiffening when he saw he was still wrapped up with Hux. "Hi..."

Hux was starting to feel slightly smothered and uncomfortable, and he really needed more pain pills, when Kylo woke up. "Morning," he said, shifting so Kylo would know he wanted to get up.

He moved his arms immediately, letting Hux move freely, missing him immediately. "Sorry... I'm... clingy."

"It's all right," Hux said, rolling over and wincing from the pain. "It was just getting uncomfortable. I mean, from the pain." He stood up. "I'm going take a shower."

Ren snatched the bottle of pills from the side table and dropped out two, handing them to Hux in an open palm. "You want these first?"

"Sure, thanks," Hux said, grabbing them and dry swallowing them. "You should really take some as well." He walked into the bathroom and closed the door before taking his clothes off and stepping into the shower.

He waited till the bathroom door shut and closed the pills, ignoring the suggestion. He slipped a tank top on, and pulled most of his hair back on top of his head, finding a tie on top the dresser. He intended to make breakfast, regardless of it being nearly noon, and wanted his hair out of his eyes.

Hux just stood under the hot water for a while, enjoying how it felt on his skin. When he got out and started drying off, he glanced at himself in the mirror. He looked awful, covered in bruises. He wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped out, finding some yoga pants and another t-shirt to change into.

Eggs, chopped peppers and onions, chunks of potato and cheese were all set up on the counter, and Ren was already throwing things into the skillet. He was a messy cook, and it wasn't haute cuisine, but it was good food.

Hux smelled something good when he finished dressing, and he went downstairs to see what it was. He leaned against the counter and watched Kylo cook. It made him cringe, since he was just throwing things in haphazardly and didn't seem to be following a recipe, but it was also sort of fascinating to watch all the different ingredients becoming one.

He didn't even sense him, engrossed in what he was making, and folding up one omelet and moving to a plate before starting the next. He worked like he had done this many times.

"That looks good," Hux said, stepping forward to grab another plate for the next omelet. "And smells good."

"It's just something I throw together sometimes. You seem to like it." The second was done and on a plate soon after, and he quickly cleaned up the rest of the ingredients enough that Hux would approve. He took the same seat as the day before, and tried not to think too hard about wanting to lay back down with Hux beside him.

Hux grabbed a plate and a fork, and sat down at the table again. He raised his eyebrows after he took a bite. "This is actually really good."

He loved getting praise from Hux, love making him happy even in little ways. He smiled, cutting a piece from his omelet with his fork. "I do my best."

Hux ate his omelet quickly, and when he was done he walked over and put his plate in the dishwasher. He picked Millie up from her chair and sat on the sofa, petting her and cooing about what a good girl she was.

Kylo watched him leave, and wondered what the hell the rest of the day would be like. Hux didn't seem to want much to do with him, and all he usually did on the weekends is spend his time with Hux.

Hux was glad he had weekends off; he really didn't feel like going to work like this. A thought hit him suddenly. He wasn't even sure he had the same job, or the same hours. He picked Millie up, and walked back into the kitchen. "Do I still work at Starkiller Weapons?" he asked.

Kylo looked up, his mind putting the prices together on why this would be an issue. "You do, actually. Head of R&D. On the board now. You're always working."

Hux's face brightened. That was the position he had been trying to get. "I wonder if they'll let me keep my job after... this," he said with a frown, gesturing at his head.

"I... I couldn't tell you. From what you told me in the past though, you may be missing some important things."

Hux nodded. "I suppose I'll have to call them on Monday and see. And what do you do?"

"Nothing, at the moment." The way he said sounded as if he expected disdain for it. "I was let go."

Hux tried to sound nonchalant. "Oh. So that means I really need to keep my job, then."

"Maybe? I don't know. You never really allow me to work with the finances. But I'm sure there's a medical leave program at a company that big.”

"There is, but I'm not sure if it will cover 'lost memory with slight chance of recovery.'"

"Might as well find out if there's something close. From what you've shared, you're pretty well taken care of. Maybe something can be arranged." He was trying to be optimistic.

Hux shrugged. "Yes, I suppose we'll have to hope for the best." He walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch again.

Most of his food was gone, but now Kylo had suddenly lost his appetite. Hux didn't even understand how important he was to so many people, to a whole company. He was sure the company would do anything to keep him. he tossed his plate in the dishwasher, added some others as well and started it up. Since he had been unemployed, he usually spent his days doing housework, getting groceries, and attempting to find some way to calm himself and find a decent outlet for his emotions. He was becoming an artistic housewife.


	7. Chapter 7

Kylo crossed the entryway to the living room and sat in the chair across from the couch. "I'm sorry, Nihls... this... this shouldn't have happened."

He looked up from petting Millie as Kylo walked in. It was strange, not really having any space to himself. He had been living alone, if you didn't count Millie, for a long time. If it had been any other situation, Hux would have made some excuse to go somewhere by himself. But he couldn't do that to his husband. Especially not when Kylo looked the way he did at him. "Well it's not your fault, Kylo," he said. "It just... happened. And it's not a great situation, for either of us. But I suppose we just have to make the best of it."

He spat out a dry laugh. "It is my fault, though. All of it. Because I was too worried about being pissed off." He hung his head in his hand.

Hux didn't know what to say to that. He didn't actually remember if it had been Kylo's fault, but he had assumed it wasn't. "Do you want to come sit with me?" he asked, setting Millie on the floor. Maybe he could comfort him with being close, even if he didn't have the words. Kylo had helped him last night, so it was only fair of him to help Kylo now.

"Yes. Very much actually." He would take ever chance offered to him shot have something normal again. He was instantly at his side, resisting the urge to nuzzle against him again.

"You can cuddle with me, or something, if you want," Hux said. "Would you mind if I turned the TV on?"

"Go ahead," As soon as he had permission, he looped his arms around Hux, nuzzling him as he had wanted to.

Hux grabbed the remote and turned the TV on, flipping through the channels until he found something interesting. He settled on a documentary about WWII. "Is this all right?"

"Watch whatever you want," he purred, clearly content. He wished he could convey to Hux how much just touching him calmed Kylo.

Hux nodded and set the remote down. He was glad he could do at least this much for Kylo, even though he knew it wasn't very much in the grand scheme of things. He leaned his head against Kylo's shoulder as he watched the show.

It was a few moments later that Kylo sniffled, and tried to hold still as if it were nothing. His mind was racing with all the things he could have done differently; all the ways he could have made sure to protect Hux from injury. How he had left Hux broken with his inattentiveness. And it had finally got him, punching him straight in the heart.

Hux glanced over at Kylo about to ask him if he needed a tissue when he saw his red eyes. "Kylo..." he started, before wrapping his arms around him. 'It's all right. I'm still here. We still have each other." He felt another awful twinge in his stomach. This was his husband! He should know how to comfort him when he was sad, but he didn't.

"Yeah, yeah... of course we do... You're still here..." But another sob wracked his body. "You do want to be here, yes? You're... you're ok with me right?"

"Of course I want to be here," Hux said, rubbing his hands soothingly over Kylo's back. "You're my husband, even if I don't remember you. And yes, I'm ok with you."

He sighed, and Hux could probably feel the way it shuddered in his chest. He leaned away far enough to stare into Hux's bright eyes. "I don't know what I'd do without you." His eyes were red and damp, dark and worried.

Hux felt another flicker of guilt. He wished Kylo would stop looking at him like that. It made him feel awful, guilty that he didn't reciprocate those feelings. He put his face against Kylo's chest to avoid looking at him.

He sensed discomfort in Hux's actions, and moved away from him. "Sorry. I'm… too clingy. I'm going to work in the office for a while."

"Kylo, you don't have to go," Hux said. "It's not... that. It's just that... when you look at me like that, it makes me feel guilty. I mean, I can see how much you love me... and I don't feel that way. Believe me, I wish I did more than anything, but I don't." Shit, now he was getting emotional as well. He felt his eyes fill up and bit his lip to keep from crying. "I just... I just want my memories back," he said softly.

"It's fine. Really. It’s only a matter of time anyway. Don't feel bad, ok? I want you to have them too. But I need some space right now, I'm sorry." With that he rushed up the stairs, and the door clicked behind him. He slid down the door and covered his face with his hands, quickly trying to shore up the levee that failed.

Hux sat on the couch for a minute, stung by Kylo's sudden departure. He suddenly felt overwhelmed by the feeling that he didn't belong there, so he decided to go on a walk. He put on some sandals by the front door and walked outside. The sun was just finishing setting and it was mostly dark except for the streetlamps.

After leaving the floor leaned back in his desk chair, a pen in hand but too worked up to filter any of it into some sort of coherent sentences. He gave up, dug way back in the desk drawer, and found the little pack of cigarettes Hux didn't know he knew about and the slim lighter. He didn't know about them at all now. A quick light and drag later he was feeling... calmed. Less thrown apart. This was... an ordeal.

Hux just walked for a while, not really paying attention to where he was going. After a while, he got to some sort of shopping district. Most of the shops were closed. He found a bench and sat on it, just thinking for a while.

He lingered another half hour, finishing the cigarette, and tossing the butt out where Hux wouldn't see. He walked back downstairs and searched the house, not finding a trace of Hux, and now having no way to contact him. Maybe he was just out for a walk? Maybe he had left with someone? He didn't know but it still pulled at his heart, not knowing where he'd gone, and if it had been to get away from him. He felt so useless. But who was he kidding, he was useless before this. Unable to even keep a simple job... and in Hux's own company. He had made sure no one had known they were together, so his shortcomings did not reflect badly on Hux. And then he had hurt so severely the only man he had ever loved. The only person he was sure he had ever loved.

After a while of sitting, Hux stood up and decided to go back to the house. He couldn't call it home, because it wasn't that yet. He started to walk back when he realized he hadn't been paying attention to the random streets he had turned on to get here. He didn't even know what his address was. Or Kylo's phone number. Shit. He couldn't believe he had been so stupid. He'd let his emotions get the better of him. He decided sitting on the bench was the best option, at least it was in a pretty public place and hopefully Kylo would come to look for him soon.

Kylo waited for Hux to return, his anxiety doubling every half hour, till it had been several hours and no sign of him. Kylo was pacing, wondering who to call, what to do, where to even start. He shook his hands wildly, trying to focus, then slowed his breathing down, looked over at his shoes, and remembered his bike in the garage. It would make things easier, even if he looked odd on a bicycle. He needed to find him, wherever he went. He texted a few people, got replies that no, they hadn't heard from him, and he assured the everything was fine before kicking off the pavement and peddling hard.


	8. Chapter 8

Hux sighed in boredom as he sat on the bench. A few people who looked homeless walked by, and he saw a stray cat run past, but besides that he was alone.

Six blocks, three back tracks, and one hedgerow later, he pulled up next to Hux, quietly sitting alone. "Are you... ok?" He was out of breath, his eyes and hair wild.

"Yes, I'm fine," Hux said, relieved that Kylo was there and he wouldn't have to sleep on the bench. "Just an idiot. I'm sorry for causing such a hassle."

He hopped off the bike and let it half fall over in his grip. "You're no hassle, love. It's fine. I'm just glad you're ok."

Hux winced slightly at the pet name. He glanced at the bike. "Are we going to ride that back together or are we going to walk?"

Kylo stared at the ground, embarrassed he had forgot to give Hux his space once again. "Walk. I'll just walk it back. We're not that far."

Hux nodded, still embarrassed by his stupidity. "I should really write down our address or something." He was glad it wasn't too far back. He was aching all over, not having taken his pain pills since that morning, and exhausted.

"We'll take care of that when we get back. I think we need to discuss what you're going to need to take care of yourself without me."

Hux glanced at him curiously. “What exactly do you mean by that?”

"Like if I leave for the day, or find a job or something." That's what he meant on the surface anyway.

"Oh," Hux said. "I've lived by myself for many years. I'm sure I can manage." They rounded a corner and he saw with relief their house just down the street.

"You live in Riley by yourself. That suburb is 40 minutes away. You told me when you moved that you didn't know the area. So you'll have to reacquaint yourself." His words were clipped, his tone flat, but not angry.

Hux glanced at him. "Yes, you're right. If you could give me your phone number that would also be helpful, and I'll need a new phone. I have no idea where mine is, it was probably lost in the crash."

"Destroyed, yeah. Tomorrow, I'll go pick up a replacement. They should just be able to replace it." He watched the payment move by under his feet as he walked with the bike.   
How many problems did Hux have to deal with that we're all due to Kylo's own irresponsibility? This, the accident itself, his job, a myriad of other small things that eventually added up.

Hux nodded. "That would be very helpful. Thank you." He walked to the house and inside the door. He wished he were in his apartment, and not in this strange place that wasn't his.

Kylo tossed the bike in the garage, not quite knowing what to do with himself. He was furious that he was ruining Hux's life and his own in the process, because he couldn't even seem to take an exit properly, he needed to figure out the money situation when he had no idea what bills needed paid. Hux was so uncomfortable around him he could practically taste it. It had been two days with his not husband and it was already apparently too hard. He snatched the bike back up and flung it across the garage, knocking down everything hanging on the far wall.

Hux heard the commotion in the garage, and ran in there, looking around quickly. "Are you all right? What happened?"

He was embarrassed, disappointed in himself for not holding back. "I'm fine. Just... the bike fell over, it's nothing.”

"Oh," Hux said. "I'm really tired, I'm gonna go to bed. And I wouldn't mind if you slept with me again."

"That's... that's fine. I'll... I’ll be up later; I need to fix this." He flung his arms toward the mess he had made. However, he had already decided it was best if he take the bed in the guest room. If this was permanent, he needed to distance himself a little bit so he could try and manage better.

Hux nodded. "All right, I'll see you in a little bit." He walked upstairs, taking off his clothes and putting on some pajamas before climbing into bed. He hoped Kylo would come back before he had any nightmares. He couldn't really fall asleep, even though he could feel exhaustion pulling at him.

Kylo half-assed picking up the mess, because honestly, he only knew where half of it was supposed to go, and the other half he forgot they had. Eventually giving up, he came in the house and started up the stairs like a monster lived up there somewhere. Except he figured the only monstrous thing here was himself. Hux, the real Hux, would be disappointed in him, he was sure. And that would be so much better than the basic, not even platonic feelings he got from him now. He showered in the guest bathroom, figuring Hux was probably asleep by now, and sat at the end of the guest bed for a long time, motionless. He was staring at the patterns in the carpet while his thoughts swirled and darkened.

When it had gotten later and Kylo still hadn't gone to bed, he wondered if he should be worried. He figured he might be being stubborn and sleeping on the couch, or just not tired yet, so he decided against going to look for him. Eventually, he fell asleep.

Kylo... did not sleep at all. He would lay down for a moment, and as soon as his unconscious thoughts started forming, the worst scenario is popped in his head. He would go through the crash again, except Hux would not wake up, or Hux would go through the windshield, or in one instance he had looked over and seen missing limbs scattered around him. After the fourth or fifth attempt he gave up and just sat up in the bed, alone and miserable. But he had made it that way, hadn't he? His wedding ring caught his eye, and he took it off and studied it in his hands. So much meaning in one little band. And it meant nothing now.


	9. Chapter 9

Hux woke up in the middle of the night, a scream on his lips from the same nightmare. He looked over, trembling, and saw that Kylo wasn't there. He knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep at this rate, and so he decided to go look for Kylo. He padded downstairs in bare feet, not seeing Kylo on the couch. He frowned, and then went upstairs and tried a few doors until he found Kylo sitting in a bed in what looked like a guest bedroom. "Kylo," he said, his voice a bit shaky. "I had another nightmare. Would you mind if we did that thing we did last night? It was really helpful."

Kylo looked up startled when the door opened, not even realizing Hux was still awake. His heart pulsed painfully, the look on Hux's face heartbreaking. If he hadn't been such a coward, he would have been in his bed already and there would have been no nightmare. How was he always fucking this up? "You're... you're sure? It's gotta be... messed up for you, having to endure sleeping next me."

He nodded. "Yes, I'm sure. It's... strange. But I suppose it's sort of comforting knowing someone is there who cares about me. And it helps with the nightmares."

He wished he had a way to show him how much he really did care about him, but he only knew how to express himself emotionally in a few ways, one being the overload of affection Hux usually received. "Ok. Yeah, it's fine. I'll be there in a second, you'll kill me if I leave this bed unmade."

Hux nodded, grateful that he had agreed. Maybe he would be able to get some sleep after all. He attempted a smile, but failed, and turned to walk back into their bedroom. He climbed into bed again, his trembling calming down somewhat.

Kylo just stood at the end of the bed for a moment, eying his smaller husband in the mess of blankets. "You're shaking."

"Yes, it's stupid," Hux said. "I know it's not real. My nightmare. But it feels so real, and it... affects me a lot."

"I'm sorry. I should have just come in here when you did." He clenched his fists, irritated at himself.

"It's fine, Kylo, I'm sure you were just trying to make sure I wasn't uncomfortable," Hux said. "I just... let's go to bed, all right?"

He furrowed his brow, but climbed in none the less, this time laying behind Hux and pulling him close.

Hux closed his eyes as he felt the comforting warmth of Kylo on his back. He normally wasn't one for cuddling, but the nightmares were making him weak and needy.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered into the back of his neck. "I’ve never been... what you needed, but I want to be." He was talking about more than the last two days.

"Kylo," Hux said a bit drowsily. "I'm sure you were, or else I wouldn't have married you. And you've been great for these past few days. Really. You've given me space when I needed space, and comfort when I needed comfort."

"You wouldn't need comfort if I hadn't fucked everything up in the first place." He had to stop, he is mind was just going dark places he'd rather it not. He opened his eyes for a moment, nothing in sight but that beautiful red hair. Like a beacon in a storm.

"Kylo," Hux said. "It's called a car accident. Because it was an accident. I would assume you didn't crash the car on purpose. Don't beat yourself up for something that wasn't your fault."

"But I could have not crashed it, by actually paying attention and doing what you told me to a million times before. Could have just kept my mouth shut at work like you told me to."

Again, Hux didn't know what to say to comfort him. He didn't remember what had happened, he didn't remember how to comfort his husband, he felt useless. He pressed his back closer against Kylo, hoping his presence would soothe him where his words would not.

He squeezed a little tighter, not enough to feel uncomfortable or crowded, but secure, wrapped up in him. He buried his nose in Hux's hair and sighed before pulling back suddenly. "Fuck... sorry...”

"It's fine, Kylo," Hux muttered, too tired to care. He fell asleep a few minutes later.

Once he was asleep, he did bury his face in Hux's hair, because it smelled like him and he was so tired of missing someone who was right there.

When Hux woke up, he was pleased to realize he hadn't had any nightmares. He had actually had a pleasant dream.

Kylo was only half awake when Hux stirred, and didn't realize what he was doing when he gave Hux a quick kiss on the temple before falling back to sleep. It was something he did nearly every morning before Hux got up for work.

Hux was surprised by the kiss, pressing a hand to his temple where Kylo had kissed him. "What was that for?"

Kylo mumbled something that sounded like 'love you, dummy' and fell back into sleep.

Hux felt another pang of guilt, and he tried to extract himself from Kylo's grip gently, so as not to move him too much.

He moved his arms enough to release Hux, like any other work day. And then curled around Hux's pillow, burying his face in it.

Hux sat up in bed, yawning a little, before standing up. He found some jeans shorts and another t shirt, and brought them into the bathroom to change into when he was done showering.

Kylo finally rose from his extra five minutes, and caught a glimpse of Hux changing in the bathroom. He must have just gotten out of the shower because his hair was wet, rivulets of water dripping down his neck. A primal urge in him wanted to drag Hux back to the bed, before he remembered once again this was no longer his husband. He turned his head for the sake of Hux's modesty.

When Hux was dressed, he walked out of the bathroom. He saw Kylo was awake. "Good morning," he said. "And thanks for sleeping with me again. I didn't have any more nightmares, and I actually had a pleasant dream. We were walking on a bridge, holding hands."

He another his hair out of his face. "Yeah, no problem. Sorry I... wandered off. I'll make sure to just head in here tonight, if that's what you need." He cocked his head to the side, thinking, looking like a giant puppy for a moment. "Was there... little lights on the bridge? Shaped like stars? In the summer, at sunset?"

"It's fine, Kylo. Really. But yes, I think it would be helpful if you slept in there again." He frowned for a minute, thinking, then nodded. "Yes, there were. And it was. It was beautiful."

Kylo grinned, looking five years younger. "You dream about that a lot. That's where I proposed. It's one of your favorite places."

"Wait, so that was real?" Hux asked with a small smile that grew bigger. "I never took you as a romantic, Kylo. Still, I don't know very much about you, I suppose."

"I... don't know if I am really. I usually mess shit like that up. But it was somehow the perfect day, and you loved standing on the bridge and watching the sunset reflected in the river water." He shrugged. "It's... nice that you still dream about it, even if you don't remember."


	10. Chapter 10

"Kylo," Hux asked as a sudden thought hit him. "Would you like to go on a date? That might help me. I mean, I know we're married, but it doesn't feel that way to me.”

"A date? Yeah... yeah, that sounds. Really nice. Where would we go?" He was getting excited of spending a nice night together, maybe actually getting closer. It did feel like they were starting everything over again. And there was surely no way he could fuck this up any worse than the first time.

"Anywhere with alcohol I'm all right with," Hux said. "And I'm not too familiar with the places around here. Is there somewhere we like to go?"

"A couple of places yeah. But I know which one we should go to. We can go after dinner, we'll eat early. I promise you'll love it."

Hux nodded. "Good. I'll trust you. I'm sure you know my tastes well enough after three years of marriage."

"Some of them, yes," he looked away when he said this, blushing slightly. "I'm gonna go get you a new phone today, you sticking around here?"

He considered going with Kylo so he could pick out what phone he wanted, but he figured Kylo would know. "Yes, I'll stay here," he said.

He stretched, yawned, and finally got up, taking over the bathroom and getting dressed himself, clothes still dark, even in the summer. After a quick brunch, because honestly they just got up whenever at this point, Kylo left and came back after a few hours, the exact phone that had been destroyed in his hand, same number, and a few added contacts. Plus, whatever Hux had saved in the Cloud. He handed the phone over as soon as he found him in the house.

Hux walked downstairs and petted Millie until Kylo came downstairs. He ate with him, then turned the TV on. He found they had Netflix, and found a lot of shows that looked good in his queue. It was strange because it said he had watched them, but he had no memory of it, so he had to watch them again. He looked up from the TV and petting Millie who was on his lap when Kylo walked in. "Thank you," he said, looking over the phone. "This will be really helpful. No more repeats of last night."

"Nope. All your apps are there too. Maybe looking through your photos will jog your memory?"

"That's a good idea," Hux said. He turned off the TV and started scrolling through the photos. He felt little pangs when he saw each one. He didn't remember but he really wished he did. In the ones that had either him or Kylo in them, or both, they looked really happy, and he turned the phone off. It was too hard to look at these. He shook his head. "I don't think that helped."

"Shit.... I'm sorry. I thought for sure something would stand out." He sat down next to him, one arm slung around his shoulders. "Forget about it, we'll have a great time tonight, make some new memories, add some new pictures. "

"You don't have to apologize, Kylo, it's not your fault," Hux said. He sighed. He supposed making new memories was the best he could do.

"I still feel shitty about it. I would give you the world if I could and I can't give you this..."

Hux didn't know what to say, so he turned to Kylo and hugged him.

A pang of adoration and guilt swirled in his chest. He closed his arms around Hux, tickling his neck with his long hair. "I just miss you, Nihls. I mean you're right here, but..." He sniffed. Hugged tighter for a moment before letting go. "We'll have a great night." He smiled.

"But I'm not all the way here, I know," Hux finished for him. He attempted to smile back when Kylo released him. "I’m counting on it."

The rest of the day moved by pleasantly enough, the two of them roaming around the house and watching a show or two. When Kylo went upstairs to change into something date worthy, Hux received a text. -Kylo- Picking you up in 5. Excited to see you again tonight. Sure enough, five minutes later, Kylo had snuck out the back and knocked on the door just as their cab had arrived.

Hux looked at the text, and was glad to see that Kylo had assigned his name to the number. He smiled, it was actually sort of sweet to pretend they were going on a date, and not living together. He went upstairs to change and make himself look presentable, before hearing the knock at the door. He ran downstairs to answer the door.

He stood in the door way, hands in his pockets, changed into dark jeans and a black button up with short sleeves. "Hey, gorgeous, you ready?"

Hux looked over his outfit appreciatively. "You look nice like this. And yes, I am ready." He wore tan slacks and a blue polo.

The taller man blushed slightly, and held out his hand for Hux to take, if he wanted.

Hux grabbed his hand and stepped out, closing the door behind him.

Kylo pulled him into the car, and gave the driver some directions as to where they were headed. The trip was only 10 minutes or so, and they pulled up in front of a place that sat next to a lake surrounded by woods. There was a patio that hung over the lake, with tables and chairs.

Hux looked out the window as they drove, watching the scenery. He was impressed when he saw where they pulled up to, and he looked at Kylo with his eyebrows raised. "So you are a romantic. This is beautiful."

"Am I? I... don't think of myself that way. I guess it's only around you." He paid the driver, and linked arms with Hux before entering the place. He asked to get a table out back, and the patio was mostly deserted, and lights hung off the deck and over the patio.

He followed Kylo in the restaurant, and then the waiter when he led them to a table on the patio. When the waitress asked them about drinks, Hux ordered a gin and tonic.

Kylo ordered something sweet and full of alcohol with some fancy name that seemed made up. He leaned back in his chair, taking in the view of the lake. "So, I'd really like to get to know you a little better. We've only been seeing each other a little while, but... you're just kind of... fascinating."

Hux resisted the urge to laugh. He was sure Kylo already knew everything about him, but he decided to play along. "Well, I find you quite interesting as well. How about we take turns asking each other things?"

"That's sounds fine. You go first?" He grinned, happy Hux was playing along.

Hux nodded, then thought for a moment. "Do you like children?"

He laughed. "Yes, actually. In small doses. But... I don't see myself being a good father. What about you?”

Hux shook his head, wrinkling his nose. "Not at all. Children are disgusting and messy." He looked up, glad to see their drinks had arrived. "Your turn."

He snatched his glass as soon as the server had disappeared, taking a large drink and getting a brain freeze in the process. "Totally worth it," he grimaced. "Let's see... so what are you into? What do you do for fun? Are you into painting or do you build model boats or what?"

Hux chuckled at him, taking a sip of his own drink. He considered that for a moment. "I don't have too many hobbies, since I work a lot. But I like to play with my cat and watch TV. And read." He shrugged, taking another sip of his drink. "What about you?"

"Workaholic, huh? That's not good for you, you know? You should pick up a few hobbies, something to relieve stress. Just my two cents." Another large sip, and he nibbles at one of the fruit slices on the side that's impaled on a tiny red plastic sword. "Well, I actually cook a lot. I'm not great at it, but I really enjoy it. And, I'm also... trying to get into writing. As a way of clearing my head."

Hux shrugged. "Well, I'm going to have to pick up some hobbies if I can't get my job back." He took another drink. "I think your cooking is great," Hux protested. "Or at least, what I've tasted of it. It's much better than my cooking anyway." He tilted his head curiously. "Really?" He didn't seem like the writing type.

"Job troubles, huh? I feel you there. Lost mine a few months ago. Part of the reason I took up the writing." He intended to keep up the illusion as best he could. "I'm not the writing type. Or so I thought. I have... I have difficulty regulating certain emotions, and it was suggested that find an outlet. And, when I get... upset, I feel like I have too much in my head, too much inside of me, and this... allows release without destruction." He seemed very nervous when trying to explain this, a little spooked even.

"What did you do before you lost your job?" Hux asked. "And yes, you could say I have a few troubles." Hux nodded as he listened. "That's a good idea." The waitress came back to get their food orders, and he decided to get some salmon.

"I... worked an office job, but... I wasn't good at it, and I got frustrated a lot of the time. Asked the wrong questions, didn't like the answers. Didn't like being boxed in." He just ordered fried calamari, his stomach a little too nervous for anything more, and starting to get a slight buzz from his drink.

"You don't seem the type to work an office job," Hux said. "I'm not surprised you quit." He finished off his drink, setting it down.

"I... I was fired, actually." Another long drink, this time without the straw.

"Oh," Hux said. "I imagine that's not fun." He had never been fired before, but he could imagine his father's rant if he was.

"It was terrible, actually. Disappointed some... very important people..."

Hux gave him a sympathetic look before the food arrived, and refills of their drinks. He took a bite of the salmon, and raised his eyebrows. "Wow. That's really good."

"Yeah, I've never had a bad night here. Food is always great; they're never light on the liquor. And when it gets darker, this whole patio is lit up. Sometimes they even have lights out on the water.

Hux knew he was right about the liquor; he was feeling pleasantly buzzed. "That sounds beautiful," he said, looking out over the water.

"Yeah," he sighed, not looking at the water but gazing at Hux before he caught himself.

He turned back, catching the tail-end of Kylo's look, feeling a light blush creep onto his face as he took another drink. He blamed the alcohol.

"Sorry, you just look... beautiful in this light... not that you don't normally... um..." Another drink. "Anyway, didn't you say you had a cat at one point?" He was trying his best not to look like a fool.

Hux smiled at his stammering. It was sort of cute. "Yes. Millie. She's my baby." He smiled fondly at the thought of her. She was one constant in this storm.

"Why did you name her that? Where did you get her? How long have you had her?”

"Her name means 'work', and I thought that was appropriate since she and work are the most important things in my life. I found her as a kitten outside my apartment, and she was so cute and pitiful looking I had to take her. And I've had her for..." He had to stop and mentally calculate in his head. It had been about a year in his head, but with the three years he didn't remember that made four. "About four years."

"You seem to have an attachment to pitiful things," he chuffed. "Your turn again, even though I asked like three right there..."

Hux let out a chuckle as he took another bite of his salmon. He chewed as he thought. "What's your favorite movie?"

"Oh, God I don't think I've thought about it." He speared some calamari with his fork and dipped it in the sauce that came on the side. Chewing, he thought. "Don't laugh, ok? But I'm gonna say the Wizard of Oz. It's been forever since I've even watched it, but it stuck with me."

Hux considered that, and then nodded. "An odd choice. It was a good movie, though." He took another drink.

"Always wanting to find home has been a theme in my life. I just... never feel I can find it. Don't know where to start looking."

Hux felt another twinge of guilt. He assumed Kylo had had a home with him, and now he had ruined it. He took a large drink.

"You good? You had that moody look on your face just now." The 'moody' look was never a good thing.

"I'm fine," Hux said. He probably wasn't fooling him, but he hoped he wouldn't pry.

"Okay," he shrugged. Once he said that there was no getting it out of him whatever it was. Or at least that's how it had been in the past. Suddenly, Kylo felt very awkward, wondering why he thought this wouldn't blow up in his face too. All he wanted to do was kiss this man stupid, and it wasn't even wanted. Maybe this date wasn't really wanted; maybe Nihls was just humoring this poor, sad man that seemed to lurk around his house. He finished off his drink, considered another.

"Did you want to get dessert or just go back?" Hux asked. The alcohol was settling pleasantly in his stomach, making him forget the guilt quickly.

"I'll leave it up to you. This night's for you after all." He smiled, then dropped his eyes to the table.

Hux considered for a moment. "I think we should go back. I don't know if I could eat anything else after that salmon." He finished his drink.

"No problem. I... I probably should go home and chill. I haven't drunk in a while and apparently there was more in this than I thought.” After Kylo paid, he made sure they had a ride and opened the door for Hux.

Hux could also feel that he had drunk more than he had anticipated. He walked out to the cab, getting inside.

Kylo stared out the cab window on the way back, lost in his own mind, afraid this had been a failure.


	11. Chapter 11

When they got back to their house, Hux waited for Kylo to pay and open his door, then he walked inside.

Kylo immediately flopped into one of the cyst side chairs in the living room, the world still shimmery at the edges.

Hux was feeling the familiar arousal that came after he drank a lot, and had led to many one night stands. But now he didn't have to go home with some random stranger, he had Kylo. He sat on his lap and started nuzzling his neck.

The moment he felt Hux's weight on his lap, Kylo stiffened, as if he was afraid he would get into trouble somehow, because Hux wasn't used to him yet. But he was the one that chose to sit there, so Kylo let some of the anxiousness easy away. "Hey, why are you--” That tug at his heart happened again, feeling his husband cuddle into him, nuzzle at him so affectionately. He sighed, and shuddered a bit, suddenly missing his husband very much.

"We should go upstairs," Hux whispered against his neck, grinding against him slightly. "I'm drunk and horny."

Kylo swallowed. Fuck. "Do you think that's a good idea? You barely know me right now, and we are both not sober." But god he wanted to. He just didn't want to make anything worse between them.

"I have had many drunken one night stands," Hux said, nibbling at his earlobe. "And I didn't regret any of them. Don't overthink things, Kylo. I want this, and I know you want this."

"Oh..." He had known about one or two, but not many. No wonder he always seemed better at this then Kylo did. "I- I... yeah, I do. You don't know how much..." His eyes seemed to darken, focus a little more.

"Then come upstairs and fuck me," Hux said. He ground against him one more time before reluctantly removing himself from his lap and walking toward the stairs.

Kylo's blood rushed straight to his cock, and he jumped out of the chair much faster than he should have, nearly falling after Hux on the way to the bedroom. As soon as they were on flat ground again, not even in the bedroom yet, Kylo pinned him against the wall, and devouring Hux mouth like he had been starved.

Hux heard Kylo following up the stairs, feeling glad that he wouldn't have to masturbate in the shower to get rid of his arousal. He met Kylo's mouth eagerly, his hands pushing up Kylo's shirt and running over his back, exploring the muscles.

Every touch was an electric shock, even after only a few days of no real sexual contact with the man he craved. He soon turned ravenous, biting at Hux's bottom lip, moving from his lips, to his ear to biting at the muscle between shoulder and neck, leaving teeth marks and red welts in the wake of his mouth.

Hux made little noises of pleasure as Kylo started biting him. The mix of pain and pleasure was intoxicating. He was a bit unsteady on his feet, and he could tell Kylo was as well. "Let's move this to the bed," he suggested.

Kylo grabbed his ass and hoisted him up, carrying him to the bed and never really stopping the bites and kisses. He put one knee on the mattress and then bent down so Hux's back hit the bed and Kylo could just crawl over top of him, already drunkenly fumbling with Hux's clothes.

Hux let out a little huff of surprise as he was lifted and carried to the bed. He reached up and started to unbutton Kylo's shirt, wanting to feel skin on skin.

In a moment of 'fuck it' Kylo sat up, knees still straddling Hux, and pulled off his shirt as quickly as possible before struggling with Hux's clothes again. Once the clothes were out of the way, coordination wouldn't be a problem, he hoped.

Hux watched Kylo hungrily as he pulled his shirt off, watching the ripple of muscles. Fuck, he was sexy. He didn't really know how he had managed to land someone as handsome as Kylo as a husband, but he must have been lucky. He ran his hands over his chest, exploring the dips and bulges.

Kylo gasped short and quick, surprised by the feel of hands on his body again. It was exactly what he needed. He dipped down to Hux's neck again, but moved lower now, planting kisses and love nips across his clavicles and his chest. "Nihls..." he breathed.

Hux moved his hands lower, feeling the abs and the happy trail that disappeared under Kylo's jeans. He let out a little whimper of pleasure as Kylo's mouth moved lower. He was very good with that mouth.

His hands worked on unhooking Hux's pants as he kissed down his stomach, showing love to every exposed inch so far. "We need the rest of these clothes off. Now."

"I agree," Hux said, reaching down to unbutton Kylo's pants and pull them down as much as he could. He arched his back slightly into the kisses.

Still desperately trying to stay attached somehow, he fumbled and slid his pants the rest of the way off, underclothes and all. He was already hard, even drunk. But he kept working at undressing Hux the rest of the way and peeling off his clothes as well.

When Kylo got his pants and underwear off, Hux got a good look at his cock. He had seen a glimpse before, but now he had a chance to admire it fully. It was quite something, and he couldn't wait to have it inside him. He lifted his hips to help Kylo pull off his pants and underwear.

With Hux naked below him, he ran his hands over every inch of skin he could reach, taking nails down his sides and his thighs, wanted to see if all his favorite trick still gave him the same response. It was like it could have been their first time together, but one of them had a secret cheat sheet. "You're so gorgeous, you know that? Fucking perfect." He nibbled at the junction between leg and torso, nails just scraping over the inside of his thigh, not yet moving on to even more intimate areas.

Hux shuddered in pleasure from the feeling of nails on his skin. "You're one to talk," Hux said, through panted breaths. He let out a little gasp.

He snorted. "Yeah, okay." He had never been able to accept compliments. His mouth moved closer and closer to Hux's erection, nearly nuzzling his red curls before he just took it all in his mouth in one go, smiling as Hux's body immediately reacted. He moved his head back up and flicked his tongue just under the head before devouring it again.

Hux resisted the urge to whine as Kylo got closer to the place he wanted attention most. "Fuck!" he moaned, his whole body jerking as he felt Kylo take him in his mouth. He resisted the urge to buck his hips.

He splayed his hands across those slim hips now, bobbing up and down and swirling his tongue in the way Hux couldn't resist. He was grinning, tasting his lovers skin and trying not to rut against the bed himself.

"K-Kylo I... fuck... I'm going to... ah... come if you don't stop," Hux managed to get out, writhing in pleasure.

"Isn't that the point?" He answered, finally releasing his cock, still wet from his tongue. He licked the head one more time, like a damned popsicle.

"It is if you think you can make me come twice," Hux said, raising his eyebrow in a challenge. He shuddered at the feeling of the tongue on his cock.

"Bet I could. But what's in it for me?" He teased, stroking Hux slowly as he spoke. "What do I win if I do?"

"Hmm," Hux said, thinking for a minute, which was made harder by the hand on his cock. "If you win, I'll let you come wherever you want."

"And if I lose? What then?" This sounded intriguing. And win or lose they would both have more fun than they had in days.

"Then I get to decide where you come," Hux said, smiling at him. "Deal?"

"Deal." He slid his lips down Nihls's shaft again, eyes looking up at him the whole time. Another hand slipped down to massage his balls and tease at moving farther down.

Hux shuddered at the feeling of Kylo's mouth enveloping his erection again. He let out a little whimper when he felt the hands on his balls. He bucked a little into Kylo's mouth. "I'm going to come," he warned breathlessly.

He laughed softly, which came out as a low hum around Hux's cock. He used both hands to hold his hips now, and took him all in until Kylo's nose was buried in red curls and Hux took up most of his throat.

Hux let out a moan as every inch of him was enveloped by Kylo's warm mouth, and he came hard, his load shooting down Kylo's throat.

Kylo sucked every drop from him, swallowing as soon as it hit the back of his throat and not pulling off again till Hux was empty. He slurped the excess from his tip, and even kissed it once, grinning as always. "That's one. Halfway there already, love." He bit at his thighs and his hips, easing him over onto his stomach, and then focused his hands and mouth on his exposed back, scratching gently and biting at his shoulders.

Hux let his head fall against the mattress as he panted in the aftermath of his orgasm. He rolled onto his stomach willingly, letting out muted noises of pleasure when Kylo started paying attention to his back.

He ran his tongue over star fields of freckles, getting Hux come down from his high a bit before he subjected him to anything more. And he was being given a chance to explore his body again, and he want to savor it while he could. Hux could change his mind tomorrow and decide never to do this again. No, don't think about that... not now. His teeth caught the back of Hux's neck, biting down hard enough to leave indents in his skin, and then sucking his earlobe into his mouth and nibbling behind his ear. The little noises he made were thrilling, and Kylo wanted to hear them as long as he was able.

Hux twisted slightly on the bed, letting out a groan at the wave of pleasure pain the bite gave him. He made smaller noises of pleasure at the attention to his ear.

"You're so cute when you make noises like that." He licked along the shell of his ear, and nuzzled just behind it. He ran his fingers over Hux's lips, letting one slide between them. His warm mouth sent shivers up his spine again.

Hux shivered slightly at the lick. He sucked at the finger inside his mouth, licking around it suggestively. "You can fuck me now if you want, Kylo," he said, raising his ass and pressing it against Kylo's erection. "I'm ready."

"Oh, I intend to. But I also like getting you all wound up for me." He pulled the fingers from his lover's mouth, and slipped them down to tease Hux's hole. They weren't slick enough to do much more than that yet, but he wanted to hear more of those enticing mewls and whines. He circled his tight pucker, pressing in but not actually entering, all while he still focused his mouth on his neck.

Hux tried to push back to force Kylo to put his fingers deeper. "Kylo," he whined. "Don't make me beg for it. I want you inside of me." He tilted his head for easier access to his neck.

His husband's words sent his urges into overdrive, and a spark of lust ran down through him. He bit down hard, not enough to hurt but almost like a claim on Hux. He shifted in what seemed a very practiced way, something he had done many times before, reaching over to the nightstand and snatching something from the drawer before slamming in closed again. "You have no patience in the bedroom, you know that? Always in such a hurry to end up spread open and used." He grinned lovingly down any the body in front of him. He knew it better than he did his own.

Hux let out a little whimper of pleasure at the bite. He could feel his cock twitch at Kylo's words. "Yes, Kylo, use me, I need it."

"Of course you do, it's been more than four days. But I was waiting for you," he purred, slicking his cock up with something in a small bottle, and sliding his slick fingers between Hux's ass, teasing him again before stopping, and then sliding in a long finger effortlessly.

Had it really been only four days? It felt like this was his first time with Kylo, but he had to remind himself it wasn't. He opened his mouth to protest the teasing, but then Kylo's finger was sliding into him and he let out a groan.

"Missed hearing that," he told him, voice husky. Soon enough, another finger slipped in, moving and stretching him open. "Always so tight," he added, leaving kisses along Hux's spine. "You're fucking gifted. A magic ass." He chuckled. "Love you... gorgeous..."

Kylo's fingers were stretching him out and it felt so perfect. He smiled as well, but it faded when he heard Kylo say he loved him. He was too drunk and filled with pleasure for it to bother him too much though.

He took the fingers away, grabbing a slim hip and pulling the pale man back to him. He lined up with Hux's ass and pressed forward slowly, plenty slick but wider than two fingers. He groaned at the feel of his tight muscle easing open around his head.

"Ah, fuck, Kylo," Hux moaned as he was penetrated. He wrapped his legs around Kylo, pulling him closer and deeper.

"Yesss," he breathed, sliding all the way in and pulling back out enough to do it again. He pulled him close as possible. Leaned down to be as close as possible. He started bucking his hips hard and slow. "My everything," he whispered, lost in him, staring into his eyes.

Kylo felt so perfect inside of him, so right. He whimpered when he felt Kylo start to move inside of him, bringing his mouth to bite Kylo's neck.

This only made him want more of all of it, greedy for any way to get more contact. He was making up for days that felt like weeks. "Oh, fuck...” One hand went behind Hux's head, buried in his hair and cradling his head, the other around his waist so he couldn't move any farther away, all the while his hips quickening in pace and ferocity. "Wanted you so badly... you're so perfect... never wanna let you go..." He murmured in his ear, giving it a lick.

Hux let out a moan when Kylo increased his pace. He was hitting his prostate with every thrust and he let out little breathless whimpers. He could feel himself getting close.

He fisted his hand in his hair, not pulling but putting enough tension there to make a difference. "Yes, I want to hear it, I want to hear you fall to pieces. I love it, everything about you..." Seconds felt like forever and not long enough. Kylo's words turned to grunts, and then a deep, growling moan as he spilled into Hux still pumping hard against his core, sparking that bundle of nerves.

Hux let out a gasp as Kylo came inside him, and again it felt so right, as though his body remembered even though his mind didn't. He let out a moan as he came, spilling onto his belly.

"Yes, yes... so beautiful..." He unwraps Hux from his waist and slowly slides out of him. He flops to his side, covered with cum and sweat and so in love, and hoping to whoever is in charge of the universe that this was ok. He pulls Hux close, running the tip of his nose up and down his neck. "Love you, Nihilist."

Hux was panting from the intensity of his orgasm. "Fuck, Kylo, that was... that was amazing." He gently pulled Kylo's head back and kissed him briefly so he wouldn't have to respond. He really should take a shower, but the alcohol and sex made him just want to sleep.

He nuzzled close, sweat drying in the cool bedroom, happy and sated. He was soon snoring lightly next to him; his features ethereal in their strange rightness.

Hux closed his eyes, briefly hoping he wouldn't regret this in the morning before he drifted off. He didn't have any nightmares that night, or any dreams at all.


	12. Chapter 12

Kylo woke only a few hours later, while it was still dark outside. The window had been lifted open, and the moon was casting light into their room, making strange shadows. He untangled his naked body from Hux for a moment, still amazed by what had occurred, how much it had felt like coming home and finding his husband again. He walked the short distance to the window, gazing out into the sparsely populated neighborhood. What if that had been the last time? Hux might very well wake up and believe he made a mistake. Ren would say the same, if he ended up with some version of himself. A mistake. It had taken nearly three years for Hux to help quell that sort of thinking, and only a few short days had opened the box again.

When Hux woke up, the morning sun was peeking through the windows. He had a slight headache, and his mouth was dry. And he felt disgusting. He needed to take a shower, badly. And then call his work. His stomach clenched as he thought of that conversation.

A loud crash sounded from the office, followed by a few lighter crashes, and a loud, "Well, fuck..."

Hux supposed he should make sure Kylo was all right first, so he walked into the office, pulling on a robe so he wouldn't be completely naked. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Making a mess, obviously," he sighed. The crash had been a small display table next to the wall that had toppled. "I can't... I can't find my pen..." he was clearly upset by this, twitchy and agitated.

Hux took in the table on its side. "Do you need help cleaning it up?" Hux was very confused by this. "Um, all right. It's just a pen. I mean, I'm sure we have other pens."

"Maybe, I don't know, I just--". He growled, frustrated. "It's not just a pen, Nihls, you know tha--". He shook his head. "It's not just a pen. You got it for me. It's crazy expensive and unnecessarily fancy and you got it for me when I started writing and it's the only one I'll use."

"Oh," Hux said. He still didn't understand why it was so important, but he thought it was sort of sweet of Kylo. That something Hux had gotten him meant so much. "Well, I need to take a quick shower, I feel disgusting, but after that I'll help you look, all right? And if we can't find it I'll buy you another one. Just... try not to break anything else, all right?"

"I don't want to buy another one. I want that one. You wouldn't get it..." He huffs and turns away to rummage through the room some more.

Hux just stared at him for a moment. "You're right, I wouldn't get it." He turned away angrily and strode from the room. He took off his robe when he got into their room and stepped into the shower. It made him feel loads better, even though Kylo's words still stung.

He stared dumbly as Hux walked out, and promptly flung a thick book across the room into the lamp, shattering the bulb and destroying the shade. It was not the first or the last time his temper had damaged something. But never Hux. He sooner slice his own hands off than harm a hair in his head. He fell back into the desk chair, legs splayed in just a pair of shorts, leaned all the way back. He was gonna fuck this up so badly, he was sure of it. He covered his eyes with his hands, swallowing down any urge he had to scream or rage or sob.

Hux spent longer than he usually did in the shower. When he got out, he got dressed and decided to call his work to distract himself. He didn't want to go back yet; he was still feeling too... traumatized, still trying to figure his life out. He talked to Snoke, the CEO, for a long time, and he said he would be allowed to have disability for as long as he needed until he wanted to come back again. He was oddly touched by this, and Snoke said he would send someone over with the paperwork later that day.

Kylo sulked upstairs most of the day, still unable to find the pen that apparently meant more to him that he realized. He watched a car pull up out front, still shirtless, wondering what the hell this was about.

Hux walked to the door when he heard a knock and opened it. "Mitaka, right?" he asked. 

"That's right, Hux," Mitaka said, beaming at him. 

They shook hands and then Mitaka told him exactly how to fill out the paperwork. He could see him glancing adoringly at him when he thought he wasn't looking, but Hux thought it was cute. When they were finally done, Mitaka took a deep breath and asked for his phone number. Hux smiled a little and gave it to him. It would be nice to have a friend besides Kylo.

Kylo, the giant bat that he was, has hung out at the top of the stairs, eavesdropping. He was instantly jealous, knowing all about Mitaka.

When Mitaka left, Hux started to walk up the stairs, pausing when he saw Kylo up there. He would've just walked past him, but that would've been petty. "Hello," he offered tentatively.  
"Hello," he answered back awkwardly, red in the face already. "How is Mitaka?" He tried not to say it with so much venom, really.

Hux tilted his head in confusion. "Do you not like Mitaka? He seems nice."

"He hates me. Hates that were together. Thinks I am... beneath you." He stared at the floor as he said this.

"Ah," Hux said, nodding. He could definitely see how someone could think that. "Well, I talked with Snoke. He said I could be on disability for as long as I needed to and then I'm welcome to come back. I suppose you were right about them needing me."

"They worship the ground you walk on. I told you. Everyone loves you." He chewed at his lip, feeling less and less like he fit into Hux's life like he should.

"Well that's good to know," Hux said. "I always strive to have the respect of everyone I work with. It looks like I got it." He looked down as his phone buzzed, smiling slightly before replying.

Kylo immediately scowled, and stomped back upstairs. He still had to find that pen after all. And he didn't need to see the look in Hux's face while he was answering texts. It would only make things harder. He plodded back into the office, and after moving some boxes of records by the door, the pen rolled out into the floor. "Christ, really!?" He flopped back into his office chair, pen between his fingers, staring at it. It was a fountain pen but the tip was very fine, the ink a deep black. The pen itself was black too, titanium, with a few red filigree accents along the barrel. And it had been engraved just along the top, by the little metal holder: "To my beloved, from your muse."

Hux spared a brief glance at Kylo before looking back at his text. He was such a drama queen. When he had finished the text, he resumed his walk up the stairs and grabbed a pain pill. He was feeling much better, but still achy. He only took one this time before walking back down to the living room and sitting on the couch, spending time between texting Mitaka and watching TV.

Ren buried himself in his writing, now that he actually had his tool back. He seemed to be full of emotion today, all of it pouring out onto several pages, more a stream of consciousness journal entry than anything. It was... well, dramatic. But it was what came out of him. He missed his normal marriage, missed his husband. He felt like he only had a visually well-made copy. There were three years of love and memories between them, three years of arguments and fucking and cuddling and long discussions on their future, the occasional de-escalation of a meltdown. All of it was gone for Hux, existed only in Kylo's mind. He felt crazy. He felt lost. And he had no idea how to salvage it. Their relationship would have never blossomed had Hux not fallen for him. Till then it was just an infatuation Kylo had, but it became mutual and snowballed from there, never stopping. But now... there was no reason for him to fall for Kylo. He was a waste of time and resources, and mentally unstable and just generally irritating to be around and he knew all this but he also knew he could not change. He hated himself some days, his stupid childish emotions and his big, awkward body and yet Hux was always there to show him he was loved. That he was perfect to one person. Now what?

In between texting Mitaka, Hux tried to think if he regretted the previous night or not. It had been very good sex, he supposed. But it might've been too soon for Kylo, he knew he heard some 'I love yous' in there and he thought Kylo might have forgotten it was this version of Hux that was beneath him. He had done some embarrassing things, like begging. Usually he wouldn't need to see the people he had sex with again, so it wouldn't matter. But he felt like Kylo wouldn't hold it against him, so he felt more comfortable knowing that. So, overall, he didn't regret it. He wouldn't do it again for a while, though.

He tried to sneak down stairs again, caught Hux still on his phone and turned around again. He could not deal with this right now. He too, was remembering last night, but more the memory of feeling Hux's skin against his own again. Feeling the heat and weight of him under him. The way he seemed to fit in his hands perfectly. And then his thoughts flashed to what he and Mitaka were chatting about. Likely he was trying to flirt with Hux and steal him away. Or Hux was busy complaining about this strange man in his house that seemed to be obsessed with him. He couldn't deal with this right now. It was early, hours before dinner, but he didn't feel like eating anything soon. And he couldn't lay in that bed with him again and not want him, not want it to be like last night again. He locked himself in the extra bedroom and buried himself in the comforter, which somehow smelled like Hux despite not being in his room. His chest ached, and he felt empty.


	13. Chapter 13

When it was about time for dinner, Hux got up and walked into the kitchen, wondering if Kylo was going to make dinner again. He didn't see him anywhere, so he went upstairs. He wasn't in any of the rooms, but he knew he hadn't gone out. He tried the spare bedroom, and found it was locked. He assumed he hadn't found his pen and was still upset by it. He knocked on the door. "Kylo? I was just wondering if you were going to make dinner or not."

There was a gravelly "hang on" from the other side, and then the door opened a few feet. Kylo leaned against the doorway. He looked sad, more than usual. "Yeah, I can make... whatever you want. It's fine."

"No, I can just order something," Hux said taking in his appearance. "You look awful. You didn't find the pen?"

"Oh. Ok." Guess he wasn't needed then. Figured. Everything he was to Hux now was easily replaceable. "No, I found it a couple hours ago." He shrugged and moved to shut the door again.

Hux frowned, confused as to why Kylo was still upset then. He stuck his foot in the door to keep it from closing. "Kylo, I can tell you're upset. I don't... I don't know what I did, but can we talk about it?"

He couldn't stop him from coming in if he wanted, so he just walked back to the bed and flopped down. "You didn't do anything, Nihls. I'm just... I'm just being a child again, I'm sure." That painful buzz was back in his chest again.

Hux walked just inside the doorway and stood there. "Well, if I didn't do anything, tell me what's wrong. I'll be the judge of if you're being a child or not. And I might be able to help."

He sat up, stared at Hux for a moment, then the floor. "Do you... do you feel anything for me at all, Nihls?"

Hux shifted uncomfortably. "Well, I don't love you, if that's what you mean. But I do think you seem like a great guy, and that was the best sex I've ever had. I like you, definitely. And I want to give this a shot."

It really hurt, hearing it just said like it was nothing. But he hid it well this time at least. "So, what happens when you find better sex. When you find someone who clicks with you? Where does that leave me?" He still hadn't looked up from the floor. "I feel like I'm just... delaying the inevitable here..."

"Kylo, I married you and not someone else. That says a lot. I know it must hurt, loving me and not having me love you back. But you just have to give it time, all right? I trust myself to make the best decision, and I chose you. So I'm going to choose you, as well."

"You barely chose me. I wasn't your first choice. And I've been nothing but a disappointment since we wed. Just full disclosure, ya know?"

Hux sighed in slight exasperation. "Kylo, I may not remember, but I know I am not the type to settle for my second choice. And if you were constantly a disappointment, I wouldn't have stayed with you."

There were times he almost did leave, a few days he left and refused to tell Kylo where he was because they had a terrible falling out. "I just don't want to be the thing that holds you back from being happy. I don't know... maybe I should get a hotel room or something. I just know that if I were you... I wouldn't choose me twice."

"Don't be ridiculous," Hux said. "I want to give this thing a shot. It's much too early to call it quits. If it doesn't work out, we can go our separate ways. I won't waste my life with someone I don't love, so you don't have to worry about holding me back."

He said nothing, then nodded. "Okay... I guess that's fair." He fisted a hand in the comforter, still feeling as if he might shatter at any moment. "Do you still want take out, or do you want me to cook? I'm not very hungry so it will be all for you..."

"I'll just get takeout," Hux said. "I wouldn't want you to just cook for me." He looked at Kylo for a little bit, seeing he was still upset. "Would you like a hug, or to cuddle or something?"

"'Kay." He looked up then, his dark eyes watery and distant, and shook his head. "I'm not gonna make you do that."

Hux huffed, taking that as a yes, and walked up to him, sitting on the bed next to him before hugging him.

He couldn't tell if it helped or made it worse, and he just barely choked back a sob. "I miss you so much..."

"I'm still here," Hux said, even though he knew it wasn't the same. He squeezed Kylo tighter, hoping the contact would help.

"Go eat, babe. I should... I should just get some sleep. I'll be better tomorrow, I promise." He wanted to kiss his cheek, but he didn't. He moved out of Hux's arms and back into his cocoon.

It was very early to sleep, but Hux didn't say anything. "All right." He was getting more used to Kylo's pet names for him. He still didn't like them, but he didn't show it as clearly on his face. He walked downstairs and ordered some Italian. It came before too long, and he ate it. He read a book for a while before he went to bed. He assumed that Kylo didn't want to sleep with him since he was in the guest bedroom, and he hoped he wouldn't have any nightmares as he climbed into bed.

Kylo didn't truly sleep. Just kept fading in and out of light unconsciousness, and being disappointed with himself upon waking up. He clutched a pillow to his chest, and curled around it. "Please," he whispered to no one, "just come back to me. I'll give anything..." He knew this was no help to anyone, but he was tired and desperate and getting worse.

Hux didn't get his wish, waking up in the middle of the night screaming from the same nightmare. When he had gathered himself and controlled his breathing he crept into the guest bedroom, knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep without Kylo. He was surprised to see he was awake, though. "I had the nightmare again," he said. "Would you mind if I slept with you?"

He propped himself up on an elbow. He wanted to say no. He wanted to say yes. Rather than say anything, he pulled the comforter open beside him. He couldn't deny Hux anything, if it was in his power.

Hux gave him a grateful look. "Thanks." He climbed into bed with Kylo, rolling onto his side and pressing up against him.

Exhausted and emotionally drained, he just let his arms wrap around Hux in the usual fashion, spooning up behind him. He purred for a second, something in him content with the arrangement.

Hux sighed contentedly and closed his eyes, falling asleep quickly. He slept well, not having any dreams at all.

Kylo didn't wake till the sun was streaming in and filling the room, part of the reason they had not chosen this as the master bedroom. Hux was still asleep, and he just laid there and watched him breathe for who knew how long.


	14. Chapter 14

When Hux woke up, he saw that Kylo was already awake and staring at him. "Morning," he muttered somewhat blearily. "How long have you been awake?"

"I don't know," he answered, shaking his head. "Did you have any more..."

"No," Hux said. "I think you're the magic cure for my nightmares. If it bothers you to sleep with me I can get through it, but I would appreciate it if you would sleep with me from now on." He shuddered. "They aren't pleasant."

"I'm not a magic cure for anything, or I'd surely be making money from it by now." He leaned forward, to kiss his nose, stopped halfway and felt stupid again. "What... what do you dream about?"

"Well I could pay you if you wanted, your services are definitely worth it." He took a deep breath. "I'm in a car, and it's driving toward a cliff. I can't stop it, and it's terrifying. When it goes over I wake up."

"I already signed a contract. You basically do pay me, you pay for everything," he snorted. "You never mentioned nightmares like that before the crash, so I'm assuming that the reason for them. It's probably best you don't remember the whole incident."

Hux smiled, then frowned. "I would rather remember everything, the good and the bad."

"I'm sorry." He wasn't sure what he was sorry for, the lack of memory, the bad that had permitted their relationship, the bad dreams. He didn't know. "So, um... are you... are you planning to go out with Mitaka?" He regretted asking as soon as he did.

"Kylo, really, you should stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault," Hux huffed. He glanced over at him. "Well I was planning on inviting him over today. But I know you don't like him, so if you would rather we went out that's fine. I just didn't want you to feel left out."

"Oh... he is? Oh. Uh, well, I'm not going to tell you that you can't have people over. He... he can come over, I'll just... I'll work on my writing or go out in the garage or something."  
"Are you sure you wouldn't want to join us?" Hux asked. "We'll probably just be watching TV or something."

"I-I can, if you want me too. I just figured I would be best out of the way. If that's possible."

"Even though I might not remember it, you're my husband, and I want to include you in the things I do," Hux said. "I'm going to take a shower and then eat breakfast."

"I'll hang around then. But I can't promise I'll be civil if he starts complaining." Kylo watched him leave the room, licking his lips at the sight of his ass in just his underclothes. He sighed and suppressed his base urges. He needed a shower too, apparently. He grabbed a set of clothes and knocked on the door to the master bath. "Let me know when you're finished babe!"

"Mitaka seems very nice, I doubt he will. But please try to stay as civil as you can." He got up and walked out of the room and got into the shower. "I will," he called back. He really should have a talk with Kylo about the pet names, they made him uncomfortable. But he wasn't sure he could stand the look on his face.

He busied himself in the office, picking up the leftover mess from the day before, making sure his pen was where it should be. He didn't want Mitaka in the house but he wasn't about to tell Hux he couldn't come over.

When Hux was done in the shower, he got out and dried off before dressing. He opened the door, looking around for Kylo but not seeing him. "I'm done!" he called, walking downstairs to find some breakfast and text Mitaka.

At the sound of his voice, Kylo threw one more thing back into place and headed toward the master bath. There was still water on the tiles, which led his mind to images of Nihls naked in the shower, wet hair, soap suds on pale freckled skin. He was suddenly half hard, and happy he was getting a shower to begin with.

Hux ended up getting some cereal and coffee and sitting down at the table. Mitaka said he could come over later and Hux finished his breakfast before putting his dishes in the dishwasher.

Kylo took some extra time to himself, working himself till he could get some of the more bestial thoughts out of his head. He wanted Hux, always wanted Hux, but the grief and turmoil of the crash had kept most of that at bay till the other night. Everything had woken up inside him then, and he would take his husband to bed every night if it were an option. He climbed out of the shower, drying himself off and feeling less tense than before, though not much. He wasn't getting dressed up for fucking Mitaka, so a grey henley and black track pants it was.

Hux read for a while until the doorbell rang, and then got up to let Mitaka in. He hadn't seen Kylo come down yet, so he might have decided he didn't want to spent time with them after all. Hux turned on the TV and started flipping through the channels to find something good. When he asked Mitaka what he preferred he of course said he didn't care so he settled on a documentary about Wall Street.

Kylo lumbered down once he heard the TV switch on, entering the room quietly and cautiously without being sneaky about it. He sat on the chair just next to the couch. "What're we watching?"

"It's a documentary about what goes on behind the scenes on Wall Street," Hux answered, looking up briefly when Kylo walked in. "It's very interesting."

"A lot of greed and shady trading is what goes on from what I've heard," he said, trying not to notice how close to Hux Mitaka was on the couch.

Hux nodded. "I agree." They watched the documentary in silence, then Hux switched it off. Mitaka started telling him what had changed and stayed the same in the company in the three year span he had forgotten.

He noticed Mitaka was deliberately leaving Kylo out of the conversations, ignoring him without making it outright obvious that he was doing so. Making euphemisms for what had happened when Kylo had been fired. "I'm gonna get a drink," he announced suddenly, standing up. "Either of you want something?"

Hux looked over, having almost forgotten Kylo was there. "Yes, I'll have a whiskey if we have any," he said. "Thanks, Kylo." Mitaka said he'd have the same as Hux, and he nearly rolled his eyes, not thinking he'd be able to handle it.

"Oh, it'll be just like the holidays party, then, huh? 'Taki' had a hell of a lot of punch if I remember." He knew Mitaka hated both being embarrassed and that god awful nickname the guys from IT had given him. With a smug smile, Kylo left for the kitchen, crossing the hall and looking for the whiskey tumblers. He knew they had several, both he and Hux enjoyed drinking in style. But they weren't in the cabinet. He'd have to go back and ask Hux if he had moved them, and Mitaka would likely use this as another excuse to point out how much of an idiot he thought Kylo was. He sighed. It could t be helped.

Hux could see Mitaka's expression darken at something Kylo had said, and he thought perhaps it would be best to keep them separate in the future, they really seemed to dislike each other as much as Kylo had said. 

When Kylo left, Mitaka scooted closer than he already was. "I really like you, Hux," he said, before leaning in to kiss him. Hux just sat there, too stunned for his body to move as he felt Mitaka's lips against his.


End file.
